Thursday, August 23, 2012

Where Is the Ring?

I used to get tease a lot in high school. I was the true nerd. I never really wanted to go out and party. I only went to the football games to drive my step-sister home because she was a cheerleader. I still never cared to be the students who drank and made out behind the bleachers. To me I had my fantasies in my head of what I wanted. I wasn't going to find love in high school hallways or at a party. I wasn't going to admit to guy that I think he was cute over the internet and hopefully he thought I was too.

Looking back I realize that I was way too mature for my age and yet naive at the same time. I was naive about guys or so I was lead to believe. "You can't have it all." It's them that need to learn what "all" entitles. All entitles that a man makes mistakes, has different interests, and has flaws. "Don't expect him to go all out." If you go all out and the man doesn't then apparently he doesn't care about what you gave him. A relationship needs to be one of a mirror if one does something than the other one needs to do the same. People have had many debates over '40s and '50s wives that didn't work. Um if you are true housewife your  work is never done. Sure it's not a paying job, but you have a sense of accomplishment.

After obtaining my degrees while at home I realized maybe the county of Madison, Alabama wasn't the place for me secure what I wanted to do in life. This was the start of my fall. I left my dad's in the fall of  2010 expecting to find something more. I did in a way, but I never felt complete. I made amazing friends and became closer to my family, including Viv, my step-sister. Along with her, I became closer to Constance, Bridgitte, Hope, Faith, Grace, Ever, Paulette, Valentine, and Madison, all of who are Molyneuxs.

I got a real slap in the face when I thought I found someone. Instead of making me feel on air all the time, more times than not I felt bitter and just wanting him to go away. I tried telling myself it was just the stuff I was going through. It became quite clear when I would rather play Angry Birds than listen to what he was saying. I cared little about anything he said except when he was talking about his mom. That was about it. I didn't want to cuddle with him. I hate the comments about his blue balls and his murmurs of his arrogance.

I had a few people tell me I shouldn't left the way I did. They told me I should I have given it a chance. For a while I felt slightly guilty. Now? I look back and honestly, laugh. I mean my mouth honestly cracks into a wide, big goofy grin. If I had stayed after my finals I would not been at the Jimmy John's where everything changed for me. Now the other guy got quite pissed at me and I think has just now realized that not everyone sided with him about me leaving him like that.

This is a guy who is way too intelligent for his young 21 years old self. He graduated in '07 like I did. We both graduated valedictorian. I'm sure you have heard me talk about him before this post. Yep Chris is truly my first boyfriend. Of all of the guys I have encountered through my travels, work, schooling, and church sessions, I find someone I can't get enough of at a Jimmy John's. However, we have encountered each other before not like that night.

The reason for me writing this post? Two reasons really for writing it. One the first guy showed his butt last night. You know when you are nice to someone for so long and listen to him go on about other girls only for him to delete you. It's like a quote I found today, "When your past calls don't answer it. It has nothing new to say."

Two, Chris pretty much told everyone he wants to marry me. We have done things together only married couples. However, sex is not one of them. We haven't made out yet even. We have slept in the same bed but Chris was sweet and nice enough to pillows between us. That was during our trip to Ireland. That was the last time we slept in the same bed. We sleep on the couch a lot when he stays over.

How does my family feel about him? Well let me put this way even my step-mom approves of him and cannot wait for us to get married. My dad would marry us as soon as Chris would ask me I have a feeling. This is the man that for years shielded me from male contact with the exception of my brothers. He had breakfast with Chris and neither of them will tell me what they talked about it. However, dad did tell me that Chris and I will be doing counseling together for preengagement couples.

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