Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Test of Faith

So I almost did something yesterday that I know I would have regretted. I almost did a pity post. Yep, me who always tells people to be strong and let God handle it. Well, to show I'm human God felt the need to need to test my faith yesterday.

Let me begin with saying my one year old baby brother, known as Jackjack (No his name is not Jack or Jackson but Jackjack), has been diagnosed with childhood acute lymphoblastic leukemia. Yes its treatable and even better that they caught it so early. However, yesterday, they weren't sure what kind or even if he did have cancer. I was very upset.

Second thing, school was awful! I am grateful for the opportunity to continue my education. With that being said, when I sign up for classes I don't want a million problems. Like the possibility that my adviser wasn't suppose to put me in a class. Plus, the brilliance of them not having a book I need and also the beauty of me trying to get a book cheaper and I need it by certain time. I will work everything out in the morning before class.

I took all of that yesterday plus a special meeting at school along with a headache. I was in a bad mood. I do think I have some sinus (which just adds to the list) but I took an Advil and told everyone I was going for a walk. I did. I put my earphones in and walked. I prayed and thought. I sat down and cried. I let go of my pity party and told God "I get it. Practice what you preach." I felt a million times better. I walked my routine run twice more.

I was happy by the time I got home. Even today I'm happy. Am I happy Jackjack has cancer? No I hate that. Am I grateful that God at least made sure it was a treatable cancer? Oh yes. It's a blessing. There are so many blessings that I take for granted. Yeah there are people better off than me, but why dwell on what I don't have and be grateful for what I do have.

I come home. That's three blessings in three words that so many people take for granted. One you are alive. Two you are able to get up and move. Three you have a place to live. We all have pains, suffering, obstacles in our lives. People that think their problems are bigger than someone else's are crazy. Most of the time we have been through the same problems. Its how we overcame and fixed the problem that is the difference. Some people say they had to through it longer again it how you handle it. No matter how long you have or had a certain problem someone has dealt with for longer than you I guarantee it.

Frankie is a prime example of something I love. I have researched Crohn's and shown him several of them. I was comparing them and something struck me. Almost all of them said I am suffering Crohn's. I've never heard Frankie say that. He laughed when I questioned him about that. "You are the first person to notice that. I don't suffer from it. I just have it. Yeah, I hurt, bleed, puke, etc. But I'm living." I love that. People like that are what really makes you want to keep jumping up and living life. Not these people that talk about how they can't go on just because something doesn't go their way. None of us have things go exactly how we picture it.

How I Feel

No comments: