Thursday, October 11, 2012

Mixed Emotions

I'm really confused right now with everything going on. I know God has plan and purpose for everything. I just need a little bit of guidance on how to handle everything and what should I do first.

So last week was a wonderful trip to Disney World. I came in the top 25 runners of the Tower of Terror 10 miler. It felt great during the race. However, it was so humid during it that it felt like I was breathing oven air. I was a nice sweaty mess afterwards. I washed off with wet wipes and stuck my head under a sink faucet and put foam mousse into it and then put my hair under the hand dryer (Disney beauty at it's finest.) We stayed in the park until at least 4 in the morning because it was opened to those of us who ran 10 miles and our family and friends.

The trip really was wonderful. Yeah it rained and it was extremely humid, but we were able to look beyond that. We did a lot of shopping and shows that I know I had never really explored before and I've been there several times in my life. (I'll be honest. I did more shopping this time because I was desperate for some air conditioning.) Chris and I danced in the rain. I spent long hours in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I still never get bored there. I am almost finished my collection of wands. To me a trip to Orlando is not complete without a stop at WWoHP!

When we came home I knew I had school work to do. I did manage to remember my Google course that was due on the 10th. I did a review on the class HERE. I did get to take a survey on the class today. I cannot wait to get my certification from Google. For me it means more knowledge and I really love that.

Now for the part of the blog that has me upset. I got a message around 9 on Monday night from my dad. "You need to get to Memphis as fast as you can." My blood went cold and one thing came to mind; Jackjack. I packed two days worth of clothes in a bag and left immediately. I drove all night. I cut corners getting there as fast as I could. I'll admit I was speeding. I know at one point I was literally going 90 mph. I went to the hospital only to find Jackjack fine and my oldest brother sitting there. He looked sort of ashen to me when he turned to me and told me to go to the hospital.

I was so scared it was dad. Let me make it clear that for most people my age my dad is like a grandfather agewise. I pulled in and I come face to face with my other brothers. I really start to panic because I know it has to be severe for them to come out of their shells. Job looked at me and said, "She's gone." I stared at him. And may God forgive me for thinking this but my mind flashed with "Oh my God. She killed dad and took his money." I was afraid that dad was telling me to get there because he knew she was about to kill him.

However, I heard dad's voice, but then what was Job talking about. Dad was asking for me. I went to him and he had tears in his eyes. It finally dawned on me. My stepmom hadn't just left this time. She had taken the last resort to get away from everything. Dad hugged me for a long time. He asked me had I talked to Viv who is my stepsister, who is pregnant. I hadn't and I really didn't want to be the one to tell her that her mother was gone.

Everything the next day was a blur for me. I was stunned. My mind kept going to Jackjack, Jonah, John, Jacob, and Viv. What does it take for a mother to not want to raise her children or see her grandchild? It has bothered me all along. It has hit my immediate family, for the most part, hard. My oldest brothers never really had anything to do for her and they wouldn't even go to the funeral so they are staying with Jackjack. The funeral is in Paris, where she was from growing up.

I am in Paris as I write the last part of this blog. We are in a nice hotel because Lance (Viv's husband) said that we would spend the rest of the time here at his house, but he wanted to stay in a hotel for now. I had no problem with staying in a hotel for the night. Chris, of course, hide me a surprise in my luggage. I have a new novel  and journal. That man never stops amazing me and I love him more everything day.

I leave you all for now.

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