Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Day 5: Last Resort

Have I ever thought about ending my own life?

Yes, I have. Shhh I can hear all the gasps.
You have to realize what losing your sister who you have shared a room with all of your life is like to understand that even though my faith is strong part of me still wanting it all to end.

I thought about it twice. Once was right after her funeral. Nobody was going to miss me so I went for a walk. I walked to the bridge. I cried and cried on that bridge. I was able to see the tops of the trees where we found her body. I sat on the side of the bridge.

What stopped me from jumping? My shoe fell off. I watched it as it fell and I knew then I wouldn't jump.

The second time I considered ending my life, I almost succeeded.

My brothers were/are still upset about what happened to Charlotte just as I was. They aided in me trying to kill myself but they didn't know it at the time. I purposefully let Jared's knife slammed into my side. I ran from my brothers. They thought I was going to tell dad and instead I ran where we found her. Jared realized what I had done and chewed me out. After his talk with me I realized that Charlotte wouldn't want that and neither would my mother.

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